urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ash10 le esperaré siempre le esperaré siempre 2006-01-19T04:35:10Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ash10:102352 2006-01-19T04:35:10Z 2006-01-19T04:35:10Z So...<br /><br /><br />LiveJournal...<br /><br /><br />How is everyone? Am I even still anyone's friend on this thing?<br /><br /><br />How am I? I'm alright...I guess. <br /><br />I work. I tried ICC. Failed all my classes. Yeah, fuck all that. <br /><br />Moving in May to Ar-kan-SAS. Going to Arkansas State in the fall. Gonna go live with my half-brother. Should be a very long awaited and much anticipated move and change for me.<br /><br />I need change. But I want to see some people I really haven't talked to in a while. And I guess you're all still on here?<br /><br />Simply dropping in to say hello...now don't be a stranger ya'll urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ash10:101658 2005-09-04T06:25:50Z 2005-09-04T06:26:06Z amanda snoring being single isn't all that it's cracked up to be.<br />i started hanging around this guy who came back from Iraq 4 days ago.<br />he's really awesome, and so are the rest of his buddies.<br />i really want to broaden my horizons...i want to fill this want/lust blank with something interesting.<br />suggestions? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ash10:101595 2005-08-25T02:44:01Z 2005-08-25T02:44:01Z i saw him. i turned my head at the right moment and there he was, with dan. i started to gasp for air, and stutter my words.<br /><br />i followed them for what seemed like miles, close enough to see his face, far enough so i could remain unseen.<br /><br />I finally lose sight of them, and decide to take a smoke break, where i see dan walking towards me(alone).<br /><br />He doesn't want to talk to you. Ever. But only he said it in a more hateful way. dan didn't want to hurt my feelings.<br /><br />Everything I had hoped for was crushed in a matter of seconds, more than that...words.<br />I could live with this...but only if I could understand why?<br /><br />I guess it <i>was</i> that easy to forget about me.<br /><br />i wish he could see how his decision affects me. <br /><br /><br /><br />my heart's torn into fucking pieces urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ash10:101238 2005-08-24T04:46:25Z 2005-08-24T04:46:25Z please find me...just gravitate to me...i miss/need/want to see you.<br /><br />so i survived day one and two, now we'll see how i hold up through the week, and then the month.<br /><br />you can do it.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><font size="1">he is my celebrity. one whom you are amazed by and feel like you've known your entire life. but i actually have known my celebrity...for years...and more than that....i know him still.<br /><br />"it couldn't have been that easy to forget about me..."<br />was it?</font> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ash10:100985 2005-08-21T21:31:18Z 2005-08-21T21:34:24Z Swing-Rise Against it's go time<br />tomorrow....<font size="1">will he notice me?</font><br />time for college....<font size="1">will i survive this?</font><br /><br /><br /><br /><font size="4">it's about fucking time....i want to think i'm ready</font> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ash10:100582 2005-08-20T01:30:55Z 2005-08-20T01:30:55Z name that artist/song :} <center><b>It was nearly summer, we sat on your roof, <br />Yeah, we smoked cigarettes and we stared at the moon, <br />I showed you stars you never could see. <br />It couldn't been that easy to forget about me. <br /><br />Time meant nothing, anything seemed real. <br />Yeah, you kissed like fire and you made me feel<br />Like every word you said was meant to be. <br />It couldn't been that easy to forget about me. <br /><br />Baby, even the losers, get lucky sometimes. <br />Baby, even the losers, keep a little bit of pride, they get lucky sometimes. <br /><br />Two cars park on the overpass, rocks hit the water like broken glass. <br />I shoulda known right then it was too good to last, <br />God, it's such a drag to have to live in the past. <br /><br />Baby, even the losers, get lucky sometimes. <br />Even the losers, keep a little bit of pride, they get lucky sometimes.</b></center> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ash10:100314 2005-08-16T21:04:54Z 2005-08-19T02:16:31Z shes gonna fuckin be there....better get to work ashton....<br /><br /><br /><br />there is much, much to do urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ash10:99867 2005-08-13T04:21:38Z 2005-08-13T04:21:38Z Hidden in Plain View-Garden Statements i can't begin to explain how good it feels <br />to not be forgotten. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ash10:99639 2005-08-12T06:42:27Z 2005-08-12T06:42:27Z <font size="2"><i>pay no attention...</i><br /><br /><center>i've waited so long to get to this point. </center><br /><br />it seems to be no huge deal to anyone else, but this is going to be the rebirth of...well...me. i've isolated myself for so long from having friends, fun, and a life. that's why it seems as if everything is riding on this. <br /><center>there's just so much pressure that i've put on it. <br />"this is going to be where you meet life long friends."<br />"this is when you'll have some of the most fun you'll ever have."<br />telling myself..."i'll actually start to have a life.</center><br /><br />but even more than that, people whom I haven't spoken to in years, will be there. no biggie. but because of that i feel the need to prove that i'm an attractive, moral, kind, and awesome person-not the girl that people might have known me as. though i know most people realize that people change and grow. <br /><br />i'm still scared as hell. <br /><br />It's like I've got the mother from "Carrie" in my head going....<i>"THEY'RE ALL GONNA LAUGH AT YOU!"</i></font> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ash10:99428 2005-03-28T01:34:28Z 2005-03-28T01:34:28Z going to green day????<br /><br />i am, will u be there....we'll see, my dear,...we'll see. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ash10:99267 2005-03-25T23:19:55Z 2005-03-25T23:20:19Z <font size="1"><center>Oh God, please don't tell me this has been in vain<br />I need answers for what all the waiting I've done means<br />You kill me<br />You've got some nerve<br />But can't face your mistakes</center><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><center>I know what I should do but I just can't turn away</center><br /><br /><br /><br />i unfortunately have you tattooed onto my brain</font> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ash10:98912 2005-03-18T02:29:54Z 2005-03-18T02:29:54Z deceit...true<br /><br />but i do it oh so, so deviously urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ash10:98815 2005-03-16T02:48:23Z 2005-03-16T02:48:23Z i never have enough time...or resources or freedom or anything.<br /><br /><br /><br />there is never enough of anything.<br /><br /><br />school<br />school<br />work<br />kick it?<br />sleep<br />school<br />school<br />appointments<br /><strike>kick it</strike><br />sleep<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />every week the same damn things...i want to mix it up, have some fun, and break out of this monotonous routine<br /> but i fear that i have nothing but this to look forward to for the next four fucking years urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ash10:98407 2005-02-12T00:28:44Z 2005-02-12T00:28:44Z we made passionate love till the sun rose...no controlling behaviors, only...as cheesy as it seems....passion.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Great. Fucking Great. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ash10:98204 2005-02-08T04:37:20Z 2005-02-08T04:44:12Z I guess I need to just face the fact that this guy isn't going to talk to me again. I should have known that it would just be one of those things. I suppose I wanted more, maybe? <br />But I know that's not best right now, nor do I really want anything like that. I thought maybe it could be cool to have some new guy friends. Guess not. Well, not him anyway.<br /><br /><br />My life is filled with a lot of regret, and anger. A bit of both feelings towards my mother, and a lot of both towards myself. In a lot of ways, I wish that things hadn't changed for me, and that I was a freshman at Central again. I had lots of friends, something to do almost everynight, and there was always someone to lean on when I needed a good shoulder. <br />Now, I find myself wanting to look up old numbers, and get in contact with those that I used to know. <br />Only problem is, most of those people don't want to be in contact with me.<br />Everyone has gone on with their lives, myself included, but most don't seem to want to go back. No real reason to. <br />I do though. <br />I burned a lot of bridges in these past few years, and for that I'm sorry. I wish I had done things differently, yet I know that things are this way for a reason. I'm relatively happy with my life as of now, and love the ones that are still in my life. <br /><br />Just a bit of mourning the past. (Not good Ashton, not good.) <br /><br /><br />If you're out there...I miss you guys... you know who you all are. Remember...I'm still me...hope you know. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ash10:97926 2005-02-07T04:17:40Z 2005-02-07T04:17:40Z the beginging of regret is the start of something i didn't want to get involved in. i wish i could do things differently, but for some reason, i don't think before i do....and its gotten me nothing but a boy ignoring my attempts to contact him. i guess it was one of those things...wish it hadn't been. <br /><br /><br />damn damn damnit<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />We all used to live on livejournal...go back to 2002-2003, and look at who all you used to be friends with...that'll make ya wonder. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ash10:97680 2005-02-06T06:37:37Z 2005-02-06T06:37:37Z my neck kills. i could fall asleep right now if i could just stop thinking. <br /><br /><br /><br />i wish i could reach out..through all the bullshit, across to where good times lie and i was liked, and possibly loved. <br /><br />i miss those times. in a way, i don't though...i'm different now, stronger, wiser now. <br />I'm glad amanda is here, tried and true. and if you might want to talk to/see me...let me know. i need to reconnect.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Wendy, if I forgot to call you, I forgot again and yeah, i have an excuse, again. =) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ash10:97303 2005-02-04T02:22:54Z 2005-02-04T02:22:54Z i'm sure of what i want to say now. i can finally speak and my eyes are open. i feel so fucking free. and this time it feels real and like maybe this time the feeling could last. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br />all i know is i hope it does because i can't be his everything, nor do i want to be. i want to be myself and talk to whoever the hell i want. this is a wonderful let down and well deserved. <br /><br /><br /><br />i'm going to go and take my life back now.<br /><br /><br />Fuckin Finally. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ash10:97037 2005-01-01T01:33:33Z 2005-01-01T01:35:51Z fractions of ourselves <br />in pieces of people we used to be<br />when longing for better days<br />begins to fade<br /> will you remember me?<br />will light still shine<br />as brightly as it once did<br />or will this facade pass on again?<br />and whatever happened to being so lost<br />lost and astrayed<br />and it was real <br />more than anything <br />we needed to feel<br />feel like living and<br />having a reason to <br /> carry on.<br />But with starry eyes <br />against darkened october skies<br />your dreams are quickly washed away. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ash10:96776 2004-12-08T05:01:41Z 2004-12-08T05:01:41Z maps-yeah yeah yeahs as i was looking at journal entries gone by, i stop and think to myself...<br /><br /><br />wow...everyones grown now. what the hell just happened? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ash10:96751 2004-08-27T02:59:06Z 2004-09-07T02:38:01Z 18 in 3 days. I'm so happy it tickles my innerds. I no longer date that one certain someone. Single and ready to mingle. Most of you I haven't even seen since...well...a long time ago is when I've seen most of you. <br /><br />I'm bored a lot. I have a vehicle, and I am mobile. <br /><br />Will someone be my friend and "kick it" with me? =D <br /><br />I'm fun.<br /><br />This damn thing is a waste of precious time. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ash10:96458 2004-06-06T00:34:33Z 2004-06-06T00:34:33Z <center>'The time has come,' the Walrus said,<br />'To talk of many things:<br />Of shoes and ships and sealing wax,<br />Of cabbages and kings,<br />And why the sea is boiling hot,<br />And whether pigs have wings...'</center><br /><br /><br /><br />18 in 2 months. i work at arby's with jon lady. im updating at amanda's because my computer is shitty. if anyone wants to hang out sometime let me know cuz its summer bitches. <br /><br />does anyone talk to jeff fager anymore? <br />i wish i could damnit. <br />Thats it. Thats all. It's done. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ash10:96154 2003-10-13T23:51:14Z 2003-10-16T00:43:54Z September 27, 2003....Peoria Journal Star....<br /><br />Medication may explain EP crash -- Reckless homicide, DUI charges possible for Peoria woman who allegedly fled <br />EAST PEORIA - A 47-year-old Peoria woman was driving while allegedly under the influence of prescription medication Thursday night when she ran a Peoria man's car off the road in East Peoria, causing his death, police said. <br />Mary Dean Cappetta of 3902 Cathy Lane was charged Friday in Tazewell County court with possessing a controlled substance (medication) and likely will face reckless homicide and DUI charges in the death of Michael J. Thomason. <br />Thomason, 34, was thrown from his car <br /><br />This is about my mom. Obviously. But that is what has happened and why I haven't updated in a while. But we a have an excellent attorney so I can only pray that everything will be ok. <br /><br />On a lighter note...went out with Donnie Diviney for almost 2 months. That was a mistake...wish I could get those 2 months back, oh well. Now, I think I might be dating, lets call him "an individual", but I'm not sure that its totally official...I really don't like being tied down. But he's changed a lot, and I like the person that he is. Plus he's fun and doesn't smother me. I like that. =D <br /><br />Give me a call...whoever....if ya wanna hear more from me...this will probably be the last entry for a few months. So lets make it happ'n capp'n!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ash10:95969 2003-09-11T01:56:51Z 2003-09-11T01:56:51Z Lately I've begun to realize that I will never be fully content with my life...with any aspect of my life. maybe I'll start to feel better when I get back to Central. <br /><br />I really miss my homies. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ash10:95646 2003-09-08T01:36:00Z 2003-09-08T01:36:00Z Home, obviously.<br />I go to Greeley now.(1 of only 2 white females at the school)<br />Going out with Donnie Diviney...very much in love.<br />Things going for the most part well. <br />Thats all...